Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
