The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
