I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
