In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
