She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm jealous of your bromance
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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