you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
