My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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