Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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