Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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