i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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