She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
