go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My vagina is very pro this idea
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
