Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize