I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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