no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
