I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
