Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
