There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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