UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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