I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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