He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
