it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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