Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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