I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize