I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
