you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
