i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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