what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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