its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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