everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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