its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
