I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bring money and cleavage
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
