I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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