Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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