You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
