Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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