and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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