I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
