I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
