U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
