sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
