32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
