Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
