did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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