Kareoke will never be a sober sport
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
