Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
