her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
