it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
