The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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