Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
