I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He uses pillows to masturbate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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