nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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