I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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