If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
