She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
