in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
