Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
