you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
