I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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