My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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