: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
