You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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