i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
