i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
