My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
