If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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