Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
