oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
